Kristin's Quest: In Search of Myself

Searching for who I really am, and what that means for me and the people I love.

I’m good at snowballing

Snowballing’s my term, but I think it’s easily visualized.

Think of a cartoon (probably Bugs Bunny-ish or something) where a character starts rolling snow. It starts as barely a snowball. As they keep rolling it along the ground, it grows to a size where it could be used in a snowman. And they keep rolling, and it hits a downhill, and grows so big that if somebody tries to stop it, they get caught up in a ball of snow bigger than they are: a passenger until some large immovable object stops the huge ball of snow.

That is the image I find works best to describe my tendancy to pull in everything at once when I start getting anxious and stressed.

Was wakened tonight by a stress dream about work. Annoying because it focused on tasks that are currently on my plate. Gender stuff has upped its place on my brain’s priority list, too. Need to do something. This is a quiet day, so I either need to get some chemical or mechanical assistance in removing some body hair, or I need to fill the tub and take some time to, at the very least shave my legs. (I need to do the rest of it, too, but my legs would get it so I could wear a skirt without feeling like some hairy Scottish sasquatch in a kilt—not that my skirts look very kilt-like…but I digress.)

And I have no idea how to separate out all the stuff and think about it, without every anxiety bleeding into the others. And I have immigration paperwork, that I have to get in soon so I can stay in the country and not be separated from my wife. Deadline for that’s about two months away, but should really be done ahead of that time so I can get paperwork back by that deadline (paperwork I’ll need to prove my work status and renew my driver’s license).

See how good I am at all this? I hate this about myself.

  • 17 October 2011